Sexting Tips for the Clueless

Valentine’s lovers

You text your partner almost every day to announce what time you’ll be home from work or to ask for a milk run, but have you ever thought about sexting?

Sexting can give a boost to your intimate life and bring you closer to your partner, but getting started can be intimidating. That is especially true if you’re not a dirty talker by nature.

Don’t worry. These simple tips will have you sexting in no time. Start simple and eventually it’ll become a natural part of your intimate experience.

Show your desire
Just the fact that you’re thinking about your partner can be sexy. You don’t have to give a lot of intimate details. Simply state your thoughts.

  • I want you.
  • I’m thinking about being alone with you tonight.
  • I wish I were in bed with you right now.
  • Thinking of you is distracting me today.
  • I can’t wait to be with you.

Describe a specific action
Think of something you enjoy, and then merely suggest it.

  • I want to kiss your ___.
  • I want to feel you touching my ___.
  • I love it when you tickle my ___.

Share a fantasy
Sexting can be a fun way to share something you might be embarrassed to say in person. Give your partner a little thrill at work by texting about a sexual fantasy you have.

  • Will you buy some whipped cream? I want to lick it off of you.
  • Meet me on the sofa. Don’t wear clothes.
  • I’ve got some scarves. Will you tie me to the bed?
  • Let’s try ___.

Bring back a memory
Think of time with your partner that you particularly enjoyed and then reference that in a text message.

  • Remember when we were on vacation and we ___.
  • I would love to relive that time we ___.
  • That night in ___ was the best of my life.
  • I’ll never forget when you ___.

Respond appropriately
Maybe you enjoy getting suggestive texts from your partner but aren’t sure how to respond. Try something simple.

  • You are making me want you.
  • I love it when you send me messages like that.
  • What do you want me to do to you?

Keep talking
Sexting doesn’t have to be complicated or intimidating. It doesn’t even have to be dirty, although it can be as specific and sensual as you like. With some practice, you and your partner will figure out the right rhythm and phrases that will eventually be as good as foreplay. You’ll soon find that this fun distraction is a wonderful way to stay close.

Who Controls the “Golden Ticket”?


Physical intimacy should never be a bargaining chip or leverage to get what you want in a relationship. There can be many reasons for a woman (or man, but women in most cases) to deny or withhold sex from their partner (medical or past trauma for a couple), the most common reason seems to be control. Passive aggressive behavior is all about that person’s belief that they are wielding power over the other person. Withholding sex to punish a partner is due to an inability to express healthy anger and passive aggressive behavior is a silent, “fuck you” to your partner. Because it’s silent, it tends to create anxiety and distance. But, like all passive aggressive behavior it’s bound to backfire.

In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply.

“Let’s get married so we can start planning for misery and divorce”, said Nobody! Withholding sexual intimacy for power and control causes huge trust issues in the relationship and, while there are many negative outcomes let me just list a few:

  1. It’s guaranteed to create more fights/arguments
  2. You’re punishing yourself, too – if you think he’s suffering, what about YOUR needs?
  3. It drives him away – he doesn’t have to put up with you telling him he’s not getting any until he does what you want
  4. It looks like you don’t care about him – sex is important to men. When you use sex for power, it shows that all you care about is getting your own way. Guys understand if you’re honestly not in the mood or need to talk things out from your last argument. Otherwise it seems that you don’t care about him. Result? See #3
  5. He stops caring about your needs and, for some guys this leads to #6
  6. It gives him a reason to cheat.

So, what’s the answer? Entire books have been written about passive aggressive anger and how to change that to a healthier style of anger expression. If you are using sex as a weapon, talk to someone. Also, consider the impact on your most important relationship; that with your partner. In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply. And it is this deep friendship that sustains happy marriages as we age, our bodies change and our need for sex lessens.

Developing and maintaining a healthy sexual bond is up to each partner. Using sex as a weapon is unfair at every level so learn to “fight fair”, improve your communication skills and get busy enjoying all the physical and emotional benefits of great sex.

Guest Blogger, Emma Johnson, EdD has been counseling couples (happy and not so happy) for 25+ years. She is a clinical member of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and is considered an expert in the area of domestic violence.

Tips for Watching Porn With Your Partner

Couple on sofa

Lets first address the stigma that pornography is a bad thing. Pornography is one of the most commonly searched words on the Internet, roughly 25% of all internet searches is porn, that’s 68 million searches per day. Unfortunately, porn gets a lot of bad press. People who have our best interests: friends, counselors, and sometimes therapists can steer us away from video stimulation in the bedroom, however watching porn as a couple can bring some incredible benefits.

Before you get started make sure you and your partner talk about it. If you’re both into it then here are some cool tips I think can make things a little easier in the beginning.

Communicate, again make sure you both understand what you’re planning to do. Don’t try to surprise your partner with porn. Some people will totally be cool with that surprise but, others could “take offense or feel uncomfortable”

The End Goal Here is to Enhance Your Intimacy Not Replace It!

Remember, You’re a couple, make it about both of you. Even though it’s just a video; insecurity is a real thing and some porn can be intimidating. The end goal here is to enhance your intimacy not replace it!

Pick something you both like. Porn is everywhere on the Internet…I’m not kidding; it’s everywhere! But finding the good stuff can take some digging. Its important that your partners preferences don’t dictate yours, sex with your partner is 2 sided.


Keep It Simple & Sexy, if you’re new to this try watching things you would actually try and keep the kinky stuff for another time (maybe time for the Black Box).

Keeping along with the theme that this is adding to the bedroom, don’t get caught up watching. Make sure you’re still looking at and touching your partner, say things like, “you’d look so hot doing that!”

You both have an opinion and that’s amazing! Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner and say I like and/or dislike that. Sex is always better if you’re comfortable, so it’s important to validate and not pressure your partner into something that don’t enjoy.

if you’ve ever seen some of the stuff that happens in porn it can be exciting or even scary to some. Pornography is not a Sex Ed class, it’s supposed to inspire you, make you feel like maybe trying some new things. Just don’t hurt yourself in the process.

Kevin Juarez
Guest Blogger

5 Ways to Liven Up Your Dead Bedroom

Couple laying on the beach bed and kissing

Whether you’re married or dating, young or old, any couple can experience a period of sexual stagnation. It can be depressing and bruising to the ego, and you may think that your only options are to see a counselor or give up completely. But before you throw in the towel or your checkbook, consider these suggestions that could naturally bring the spark back between you and your partner.

Break the Rules
Without realizing it, sometimes couples set up unnecessary boundaries for themselves, creating mental blocks that don’t need to be there. Break these useless things down. Some boundaries have to exist (no sex on the breakfast table right before the kids eat on it), but some rules have to be broken.

Just because it’s after 10 o’clock on a weeknight doesn’t mean you can’t get weird under the sheets. Haven’t showered yet? Perfect opportunity to soap each other up and get down. The kids are home, sure, but they’re asleep and your bedroom door has a lock for a reason.

Continually making excuses about not having sex can condition your mind and body to forget how to appreciate spontaneity. Try not to rely solely on scheduled sessions because that can get dull fast, no matter how much you care about your partner. Go ahead and have sex on Tuesdays, but throw a little Saturday and Thursday in there every now and then.

The most obvious solution to any problem in a relationship is to talk about it, even if the subject is as delicate as sex. Your lack of intimacy is an elephant in the room, so there’s almost no chance your significant other hasn’t noticed too. Putting it on the table will at least give the two of you an opportunity to pinpoint the reason (or reasons) for the decline in activity, and then you can begin to work on it.

Maybe her new job isn’t what she thought it would be and it’s stressing her out too much to even think about sex. Maybe he’s put on a few pounds and it makes him feel less sexy. It’s even possible that, after realizing your sex life isn’t what it used to be, the pressure of getting back into the swing of things is causing your libido to plummet.

Don’t feel ashamed to lay it all out there. Wanting a healthy sex life isn’t an outrageous demand, but be ready for the possibility of discovering that your sex drive is different from your significant other’s. And that’s okay! Communicating your needs and hearing theirs will help you find a solution that works for both of you.

Make Out
Remember when you were in high school and the pinnacle of your existence was sloppily making out in the back of a car for hours? Your body buzzed, your head was cloudy, and it felt amazing. You can still have that! Only this time around, you’re a responsible adult who can round home base without worrying about your parents finding out.

Kissing releases all sorts of yummy chemicals into your system, like oxytocin and dopamine, that make you feel fantastic. Let yourselves get carried away in that. Get frustrated and sweaty until you can’t stand it anymore. Just because you’re no longer a horny adolescent doesn’t mean you’re only allowed to kiss like a nun right before bed or when leaving for work. ?

A huge chunk of sexual attraction is attributed to the brain. Erotic stimulation doesn’t have to be based entirely on what happens in the moments right before sex. Arousal can start long before then and build up over time. Flirting with your partner is an excellent way to tease each other and boost your egos along the way.

A huge chunk of sexual attraction is attributed to the brain. Erotic stimulation doesn’t have to be based entirely on what happens in the moments right before sex.

Even if you’ve been together for a decade, nothing is stopping you from subtly letting your partner know how much they turn you on. Sexting isn’t just for teenagers anymore. Send a sexy, flirty message while you’re at work and let the anticipation build. Be as graphic or veiled as you see fit, but be clear about your intentions. Remember how hard you worked to earn your partner’s affections in the beginning and match that tenfold.

Have Sex!
No, really! Just have sex. Sometimes all we need is a little push in the right direction, a taste of what we’ve been missing, to get back on track. Don’t force the matter. Sex is natural, and it should feel that way, but even nature needs help sometimes.

If you don’t put yourself in a situation to have sex, it probably won’t happen. A lot of people operate under the misapprehension that desire’s job is to pop up on its own on a regular basis so we can fulfill a need. The reality is that, like everything else in a relationship, intimacy needs work. It has to be nurtured to thrive.

Start slow, taking the time to let affection grow into passion. Introduce new things into your bedroom. If you’re not comfortable with that, just talk about your fantasies. The intimacy of sharing such private activities and thoughts will bring you closer together, rekindling your spark and giving you the chance to start fresh.

Japanese Drip Candles

Japanese drip candles can be a great way to introduce kinky, light bondage, play to your bedroom. Drip candles burn at a low temperature but the wax is still going to get hot so you don’t want to jump headfirst and burn your partner. That would send the direction of the evening in a different direction. Light other candles in the room and ask your partner to lie down for an intimate massage. Start with some lotion and playful touching.

You know, all the stuff you normally skip when you get comfortable in long-term relationships.  

Nibble on his/her ear and let them know when you are lighting the candle. Continue the touching with your free hand and simply tilt the candle to allow the wax to drip on parts of your partners back. Don’t get carried away unless they want you too. After a few minutes of fun swap positions and now it’s your turn.

Can Food Start The Mood?

The link between food and sex is due in large part to our primal nature as human beings. There are hormonal responses and things firing in the brain, but the bottom line is we are biologically programmed to satisfy the urge to eat it or have sex with it.

American Pie (1999)

With Valentine’s Day around the corner I turned to the internet and went on a hunt to find some Valentine’s Day aphrodisiac foods. I was overwhelmingly disappointed with what I found. Oysters, eggs, celery….really. Celery? I can say with certainty that I have eaten all of the these foods and not once do I remember feeling that special urge. I kept digging. Pumpkin seeds, avocados, and asparagus. Have you ever smelled your pee after eating asparagus? While I’m sure there is a market for that I am still not feeling the urge.

I have come to the conclusion that while there is science backing up the claims of the eggs and celery; most people are not going to feel the effects of such foods in one meal. If you do it is likely a placebo effect. If you don’t feel relaxed and sexy no amount of celery or eggs is going to get you there.

If you want to have fun cooking a great meal for your partner then by all means do so but don’t forget to add some self care while you are at it. Take a bath, light candles, and have a glass of wine or whatever it takes to get you feeling relaxed. Have a candlelight dinner on the floor and feed each other strawberries and cake. Laugh, talk, and remember what made you fall in love.


The best way to get yourself and your partner in the mood is the overall experience not just the celery.   

HotHouse Intimates Subscription Box

Check out our latest product review!

Reviews Done for the Best Online Companies Out there!

Where: Hothouse Intimates
What: FireBox ($45)
  So 1st off they ship discreetly, and worldwide! Boxes start at just $25 per month. Uniquely picked out per preference – my box was chalked Full !
Please Note these are the Names Im calling them not sure if Exact! And Costs locally or Online (whichever is cheaper)
  The FireBox I got consisted of:
** Lingerie (here for the same product costs a whopping $39- & thats shopping around! )
** A Feather Tickler/Teaser Toy : about $8 (local shop – I hate buying from)
** Vibrating Fun Finger Tickler: $9.99
** Ring : $4 (on sale locally)
** 3 Various / Surprise Condoms : $1 – $2
** Toy Cleaner.. $3
** Mini Massage Lotion: $2
** Japanese Drip Candle ( 3 for $7.21 — I got 1 — so $2.40 ish)
So as you can see — Definately a save…

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