2018 Sexy and Sensual Women’s Soiree

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We are excited to attend the second annual Sexy and Sensual Women’s Soiree in Atlanta, GA on July 21st! This event is open to the public with ticket purchase. We hope to see our Atlanta fans in attendance. Join this event for a night of girl talk: keeping it sexy, seduction, and sexual wellness in a judgement free zone.  Don’t miss the seductive high heels routine lesson as well! Get more info here.

How Men Over 40 Can Retain Sexual Potency…

Young sexy muscular man posing

Many men in their teens and 20s tend to think they’ll always be sexually vigorous, but after 40 the penis gradually starts to show the first signs of aging. Some changes — such as loss of penile sensitivity, decrease in size and longer refractory periods — are, for the most part, irreversible. But that doesn’t mean men over 40 are powerless when it comes to retaining their sexual potency and vitality. This article looks at how drinking less alcohol, doing aerobic exercise, eating smarter and keeping an eye on testosterone levels can help maintain a vigorous sex life after 40.

Drink Less Alcohol
Consuming too much alcohol has a negative effect on the body. It can damage important organs such as the liver and the kidneys, cause several types of cancer, and lead to weight gain. It can also have an adverse effect on the penis, and therefore on sexual enjoyment.

While it is true that in young men moderate alcohol consumption removes inhibitions, temporarily increases libido and delays orgasm (a blessing for those who suffer from premature ejaculation), it can make sex impossible for men over 40. Because erections and orgasms become increasingly unreliable as men age, they need all the help they can get to keep their sensations sharp.

More worrying than temporary erectile dysfunction is the fact that long-term alcohol abuse has at least four damaging effects on the penis. First, alcohol begins to interfere with the nervous system pathways between the brain and the penis; second, it damages the nerves in the penis; third, it has an effect on testosterone levels which are crucial for libido; and fourth, it can damage sperm-producing cells which can cause the testicles to shrink.

Exercise
A laboratory experiment involving young and old rats had a clear outcome: rats that were ‘exercised’ more frequently had increased penile neurotransmitters, and therefore improved erections, compared to the rats that were more sedentary.

There’s little reason to believe exercise has a different effect on the human penis. In fact, five studies over a 40-year period and involving 385 men showed aerobic exercise had a ‘significant effect’ on erectile function. The message is clear: if you want your erections to last longer as you age, get on a treadmill as soon as possible.

Eat Smarter
If you want to stay in shape after 40, you’ll have to do more than you did to lose weight in your 20s and 30s. As you age, your metabolism slows so shedding weight requires far more effort. Diet is important because eating fatty, processed food leads to blood flow problems (in a process known as atherosclerosis — the hardening of the arteries) which, apart from causing heart attacks, mean the penis won’t get unrestricted blood flow in order to keep your erections strong.

Vascular disease is also blamed for the fact that erections become less potent as men age. Between the ages of 30 and 50, many men will notice a slight decline in the angle of their erections (this decline usually accelerates after 50). Research shows that at 30, a man can expect his erection to be 20 degrees above horizontal; by the time he’s 40 that elevation is reduced to only one degree.

In order to stave off vascular disease, many experts recommend a Mediterranean diet incorporating fish, nuts, olive oil and an array of fruits and vegetables. This diet also includes red wine, although only in moderation. Also avoid excessive salt intake, keep an eye your blood pressure, and if you’re a smoker, give up the habit.

Several types of foods have been linked to improved desire. One is asparagus, packed with folate which helps increase the production of desire-boosting histamine in both men and women. Another sex-friendly food is the avocado which contains minerals, monounsaturated fats and Vitamin B6, a known libido-enhancer.

Then there’s the banana, high in the bromelain enzyme which plays a role in regulating sexual hormones. Finally there’s garlic; while this member of the onion family may not provide you with the sweetest breath, it nonetheless contains allicin, a compound that thins the blood and is therefore helpful for blood flow to the penis.?

Watch Your Testosterone Levels
After a man hits his sexual peak at 30, his testosterone levels start to fall by between 1 and 1.5% a year. This has an important effect on his desire because testosterone is the male sex hormone that controls the development of sexual traits. The results of this cumulative drop may become particularly noticeable after 40.

Falling testosterone takes libido down with it, although the effect varies from man to man. Fortunately, there are ways to counteract the fall in testosterone: get at least seven or eight hours’ sleep per night, maintain muscle mass by weightlifting and eat protein-rich foods such as fish and other white meat.

Love and Sex Toys

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Whether your relationship is starting to feel stagnant or you just want something to spice up an evening, sex toys can add a playful level of fun to your life. There are now many online stores as well as retail options available, so shopping for these romantic playthings can be done in person or from the comfort of your home. The popularity of these establishments indicates a growing demand for variety and quality in adult entertainment.

Here are a few tips to remember when delving into the world of sex toys.

1. They’re toys, have fun. Many vibrators and other implements come in an array of bright colors and shapes which might look strangely alien at first. The more you read and observe, the more you’ll start to understand the form and function. If you are fortunate enough to have an adult store near you that carries these items, stop in and touch. Don’t be shy. Pick them up and hold them to observe the weight and feel. If your establishment is really on the ball and has included batteries, turn on vibrators and check the sound. Take a friend or your lover with you and go ahead and laugh.

2.  Start out easy. If this is a new experience, don’t go online and order the Screaming Banshee Deep Penetrating Orgasm Inducer. There are plenty of modest sex toys that won’t leave you scratching your head trying to figure out how to use them or limping in pain the next day. Go with your comfort level and make sure your partner is on board with you.

3.  Don’t buy one that’s bigger than your man. After you start out easy, you might be ready to move to the next level. Sure, it’s nice to have that extra large dildo around for those times you want an all-the-way full experience, but keep this one hidden. Your man might like the thought of you pleasuring yourself, but chances are he wants to be the biggest gun in your cabinet. There are plenty of other toys you can share together.

4.  Keep your goodies safe, clean and hidden. Any item that penetrates a body orifice should be clean, so make sure to wash your toys thoroughly after use. Check them for cracks, rips or tears every time. Have a “toy box” just for these items, and make sure they are well hidden from any prying eyes in your household.

5. Read reviews, ask questions. Most online toy sites have a product review section. Wander through this and if you have a question send an email. Many of these toys are pricey, so make sure you get what you want.

Using sex toys can take a relationship to a more intimate, stimulating level. Couples of all ages are exploring this territory and finding a new way to relate to their partners.

Be bold, be innovative, have fun.

How to Build Up Your Sexual Self-Esteem

Couple on sofa

Our various cultural media can fill our heads with exaggerated notions of what it means to be a good lover. The more we hear about the exploits of the young, the glamorous and the sexually-adept the more we may question our own skills and overall desirability. We may be pestered by dozens of internal questions. Am I too old? Am I overweight? Do I really satisfy my partner? Will s/he consider my fantasies a turnoff if I reveal them? How am I to know if I want sex too much – or too little?

Sexual self-esteem is really about being comfortable with ourselves and feeling at home in our own skins. Those concerns that we may have about our appearance and our performance only take us out of the moment when we’re actually making love. We can be distracted by doubts even when everything in the relationship is going perfectly well. To build up sexual self-esteem, we need to learn how to leave our judgments (regarding our histories and fantasies) behind and jump into the experience fully. We also need to be gentle with ourselves as we move through this process. Pressure and guilt will only make us more nervous – and less confident.

The most helpful thing you can do initially is allow yourself a learning curve. Don’t pressure yourself to be an intimacy expert. Every partnership is unique. People bring their own needs, desires and challenges into the picture. What has worked in the past may not work in the here-and-now. Allow yourself to be a beginner sometimes; give yourself permission to learn. This learning can be facilitated if you actually ask for feedback. Knowing what your partner likes and appreciates about your sexual expression will also deepen the rapport between you. Also keep in mind, however, that the response you receive from another will not always reflect upon you. Sometimes people simply value different things, even when they are deeply involved with each other.

This is what makes self-love a crucial component of your overall sexual self-esteem. If you feel comfortable about your body and your desires then you can hold to this even when your partner doesn’t seems to understand. Cultivating a positive body image in your mind’s eye will better your performance and satisfaction as well. Get grounded in your body. Exercising is the best way to achieve this. Changes in diet may also be called for. If you feel good about yourself on a physical level but are still pestered by mental doubts, a practice involving daily affirmations may help.

When you’re free of those detracting inner voices you can more easily focus on pleasure (yours as well as your partner’s). This doesn’t mean that the connection will always be harmonious, however. Sometimes sexual self-esteem requires us to ask for what we want and speak up when something feels off – even if, in doing so, we risk the other’s displeasure. Our sexuality is an expression of the way in which we carry ourselves in all other areas of life. If we compromise ourselves then we open the door to those voices of doubt again.

Sexting Tips for the Clueless

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You text your partner almost every day to announce what time you’ll be home from work or to ask for a milk run, but have you ever thought about sexting?

Sexting can give a boost to your intimate life and bring you closer to your partner, but getting started can be intimidating. That is especially true if you’re not a dirty talker by nature.

Don’t worry. These simple tips will have you sexting in no time. Start simple and eventually it’ll become a natural part of your intimate experience.

Show your desire
Just the fact that you’re thinking about your partner can be sexy. You don’t have to give a lot of intimate details. Simply state your thoughts.

  • I want you.
  • I’m thinking about being alone with you tonight.
  • I wish I were in bed with you right now.
  • Thinking of you is distracting me today.
  • I can’t wait to be with you.

Describe a specific action
Think of something you enjoy, and then merely suggest it.

  • I want to kiss your ___.
  • I want to feel you touching my ___.
  • I love it when you tickle my ___.

Share a fantasy
Sexting can be a fun way to share something you might be embarrassed to say in person. Give your partner a little thrill at work by texting about a sexual fantasy you have.

  • Will you buy some whipped cream? I want to lick it off of you.
  • Meet me on the sofa. Don’t wear clothes.
  • I’ve got some scarves. Will you tie me to the bed?
  • Let’s try ___.

Bring back a memory
Think of time with your partner that you particularly enjoyed and then reference that in a text message.

  • Remember when we were on vacation and we ___.
  • I would love to relive that time we ___.
  • That night in ___ was the best of my life.
  • I’ll never forget when you ___.

Respond appropriately
Maybe you enjoy getting suggestive texts from your partner but aren’t sure how to respond. Try something simple.

  • You are making me want you.
  • I love it when you send me messages like that.
  • What do you want me to do to you?

Keep talking
Sexting doesn’t have to be complicated or intimidating. It doesn’t even have to be dirty, although it can be as specific and sensual as you like. With some practice, you and your partner will figure out the right rhythm and phrases that will eventually be as good as foreplay. You’ll soon find that this fun distraction is a wonderful way to stay close.

Who Controls the “Golden Ticket”?

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Physical intimacy should never be a bargaining chip or leverage to get what you want in a relationship. There can be many reasons for a woman (or man, but women in most cases) to deny or withhold sex from their partner (medical or past trauma for a couple), the most common reason seems to be control. Passive aggressive behavior is all about that person’s belief that they are wielding power over the other person. Withholding sex to punish a partner is due to an inability to express healthy anger and passive aggressive behavior is a silent, “fuck you” to your partner. Because it’s silent, it tends to create anxiety and distance. But, like all passive aggressive behavior it’s bound to backfire.

In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply.

“Let’s get married so we can start planning for misery and divorce”, said Nobody! Withholding sexual intimacy for power and control causes huge trust issues in the relationship and, while there are many negative outcomes let me just list a few:

  1. It’s guaranteed to create more fights/arguments
  2. You’re punishing yourself, too – if you think he’s suffering, what about YOUR needs?
  3. It drives him away – he doesn’t have to put up with you telling him he’s not getting any until he does what you want
  4. It looks like you don’t care about him – sex is important to men. When you use sex for power, it shows that all you care about is getting your own way. Guys understand if you’re honestly not in the mood or need to talk things out from your last argument. Otherwise it seems that you don’t care about him. Result? See #3
  5. He stops caring about your needs and, for some guys this leads to #6
  6. It gives him a reason to cheat.

So, what’s the answer? Entire books have been written about passive aggressive anger and how to change that to a healthier style of anger expression. If you are using sex as a weapon, talk to someone. Also, consider the impact on your most important relationship; that with your partner. In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply. And it is this deep friendship that sustains happy marriages as we age, our bodies change and our need for sex lessens.

Developing and maintaining a healthy sexual bond is up to each partner. Using sex as a weapon is unfair at every level so learn to “fight fair”, improve your communication skills and get busy enjoying all the physical and emotional benefits of great sex.

Guest Blogger, Emma Johnson, EdD has been counseling couples (happy and not so happy) for 25+ years. She is a clinical member of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and is considered an expert in the area of domestic violence.

Tips for Watching Porn With Your Partner

Couple on sofa

Lets first address the stigma that pornography is a bad thing. Pornography is one of the most commonly searched words on the Internet, roughly 25% of all internet searches is porn, that’s 68 million searches per day. Unfortunately, porn gets a lot of bad press. People who have our best interests: friends, counselors, and sometimes therapists can steer us away from video stimulation in the bedroom, however watching porn as a couple can bring some incredible benefits.

Before you get started make sure you and your partner talk about it. If you’re both into it then here are some cool tips I think can make things a little easier in the beginning.

COMMUNICATE
Communicate, again make sure you both understand what you’re planning to do. Don’t try to surprise your partner with porn. Some people will totally be cool with that surprise but, others could “take offense or feel uncomfortable”

The End Goal Here is to Enhance Your Intimacy Not Replace It!

Remember, You’re a couple, make it about both of you. Even though it’s just a video; insecurity is a real thing and some porn can be intimidating. The end goal here is to enhance your intimacy not replace it!

Pick something you both like. Porn is everywhere on the Internet…I’m not kidding; it’s everywhere! But finding the good stuff can take some digging. Its important that your partners preferences don’t dictate yours, sex with your partner is 2 sided.

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K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple & Sexy, if you’re new to this try watching things you would actually try and keep the kinky stuff for another time (maybe time for the Black Box).

INTERACT 
Keeping along with the theme that this is adding to the bedroom, don’t get caught up watching. Make sure you’re still looking at and touching your partner, say things like, “you’d look so hot doing that!”

BE HONEST
You both have an opinion and that’s amazing! Don’t be afraid to talk to your partner and say I like and/or dislike that. Sex is always better if you’re comfortable, so it’s important to validate and not pressure your partner into something that don’t enjoy.

BE REALISTIC
if you’ve ever seen some of the stuff that happens in porn it can be exciting or even scary to some. Pornography is not a Sex Ed class, it’s supposed to inspire you, make you feel like maybe trying some new things. Just don’t hurt yourself in the process.

Kevin Juarez
Guest Blogger

5 Ways to Liven Up Your Dead Bedroom

Couple laying on the beach bed and kissing

Whether you’re married or dating, young or old, any couple can experience a period of sexual stagnation. It can be depressing and bruising to the ego, and you may think that your only options are to see a counselor or give up completely. But before you throw in the towel or your checkbook, consider these suggestions that could naturally bring the spark back between you and your partner.

Break the Rules
Without realizing it, sometimes couples set up unnecessary boundaries for themselves, creating mental blocks that don’t need to be there. Break these useless things down. Some boundaries have to exist (no sex on the breakfast table right before the kids eat on it), but some rules have to be broken.

Just because it’s after 10 o’clock on a weeknight doesn’t mean you can’t get weird under the sheets. Haven’t showered yet? Perfect opportunity to soap each other up and get down. The kids are home, sure, but they’re asleep and your bedroom door has a lock for a reason.

Continually making excuses about not having sex can condition your mind and body to forget how to appreciate spontaneity. Try not to rely solely on scheduled sessions because that can get dull fast, no matter how much you care about your partner. Go ahead and have sex on Tuesdays, but throw a little Saturday and Thursday in there every now and then.

Communicate
The most obvious solution to any problem in a relationship is to talk about it, even if the subject is as delicate as sex. Your lack of intimacy is an elephant in the room, so there’s almost no chance your significant other hasn’t noticed too. Putting it on the table will at least give the two of you an opportunity to pinpoint the reason (or reasons) for the decline in activity, and then you can begin to work on it.

Maybe her new job isn’t what she thought it would be and it’s stressing her out too much to even think about sex. Maybe he’s put on a few pounds and it makes him feel less sexy. It’s even possible that, after realizing your sex life isn’t what it used to be, the pressure of getting back into the swing of things is causing your libido to plummet.

Don’t feel ashamed to lay it all out there. Wanting a healthy sex life isn’t an outrageous demand, but be ready for the possibility of discovering that your sex drive is different from your significant other’s. And that’s okay! Communicating your needs and hearing theirs will help you find a solution that works for both of you.

Make Out
Remember when you were in high school and the pinnacle of your existence was sloppily making out in the back of a car for hours? Your body buzzed, your head was cloudy, and it felt amazing. You can still have that! Only this time around, you’re a responsible adult who can round home base without worrying about your parents finding out.

Kissing releases all sorts of yummy chemicals into your system, like oxytocin and dopamine, that make you feel fantastic. Let yourselves get carried away in that. Get frustrated and sweaty until you can’t stand it anymore. Just because you’re no longer a horny adolescent doesn’t mean you’re only allowed to kiss like a nun right before bed or when leaving for work. ?

Flirt
A huge chunk of sexual attraction is attributed to the brain. Erotic stimulation doesn’t have to be based entirely on what happens in the moments right before sex. Arousal can start long before then and build up over time. Flirting with your partner is an excellent way to tease each other and boost your egos along the way.

A huge chunk of sexual attraction is attributed to the brain. Erotic stimulation doesn’t have to be based entirely on what happens in the moments right before sex.

Even if you’ve been together for a decade, nothing is stopping you from subtly letting your partner know how much they turn you on. Sexting isn’t just for teenagers anymore. Send a sexy, flirty message while you’re at work and let the anticipation build. Be as graphic or veiled as you see fit, but be clear about your intentions. Remember how hard you worked to earn your partner’s affections in the beginning and match that tenfold.

Have Sex!
No, really! Just have sex. Sometimes all we need is a little push in the right direction, a taste of what we’ve been missing, to get back on track. Don’t force the matter. Sex is natural, and it should feel that way, but even nature needs help sometimes.

If you don’t put yourself in a situation to have sex, it probably won’t happen. A lot of people operate under the misapprehension that desire’s job is to pop up on its own on a regular basis so we can fulfill a need. The reality is that, like everything else in a relationship, intimacy needs work. It has to be nurtured to thrive.

Start slow, taking the time to let affection grow into passion. Introduce new things into your bedroom. If you’re not comfortable with that, just talk about your fantasies. The intimacy of sharing such private activities and thoughts will bring you closer together, rekindling your spark and giving you the chance to start fresh.

Japanese Drip Candles

Japanese drip candles can be a great way to introduce kinky, light bondage, play to your bedroom. Drip candles burn at a low temperature but the wax is still going to get hot so you don’t want to jump headfirst and burn your partner. That would send the direction of the evening in a different direction. Light other candles in the room and ask your partner to lie down for an intimate massage. Start with some lotion and playful touching.

You know, all the stuff you normally skip when you get comfortable in long-term relationships.  

Nibble on his/her ear and let them know when you are lighting the candle. Continue the touching with your free hand and simply tilt the candle to allow the wax to drip on parts of your partners back. Don’t get carried away unless they want you too. After a few minutes of fun swap positions and now it’s your turn.