2018 Sexy and Sensual Women’s Soiree

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We are excited to attend the second annual Sexy and Sensual Women’s Soiree in Atlanta, GA on July 21st! This event is open to the public with ticket purchase. We hope to see our Atlanta fans in attendance. Join this event for a night of girl talk: keeping it sexy, seduction, and sexual wellness in a judgement free zone.  Don’t miss the seductive high heels routine lesson as well! Get more info here.

How Men Over 40 Can Retain Sexual Potency…

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Many men in their teens and 20s tend to think they’ll always be sexually vigorous, but after 40 the penis gradually starts to show the first signs of aging. Some changes — such as loss of penile sensitivity, decrease in size and longer refractory periods — are, for the most part, irreversible. But that doesn’t mean men over 40 are powerless when it comes to retaining their sexual potency and vitality. This article looks at how drinking less alcohol, doing aerobic exercise, eating smarter and keeping an eye on testosterone levels can help maintain a vigorous sex life after 40.

Drink Less Alcohol
Consuming too much alcohol has a negative effect on the body. It can damage important organs such as the liver and the kidneys, cause several types of cancer, and lead to weight gain. It can also have an adverse effect on the penis, and therefore on sexual enjoyment.

While it is true that in young men moderate alcohol consumption removes inhibitions, temporarily increases libido and delays orgasm (a blessing for those who suffer from premature ejaculation), it can make sex impossible for men over 40. Because erections and orgasms become increasingly unreliable as men age, they need all the help they can get to keep their sensations sharp.

More worrying than temporary erectile dysfunction is the fact that long-term alcohol abuse has at least four damaging effects on the penis. First, alcohol begins to interfere with the nervous system pathways between the brain and the penis; second, it damages the nerves in the penis; third, it has an effect on testosterone levels which are crucial for libido; and fourth, it can damage sperm-producing cells which can cause the testicles to shrink.

Exercise
A laboratory experiment involving young and old rats had a clear outcome: rats that were ‘exercised’ more frequently had increased penile neurotransmitters, and therefore improved erections, compared to the rats that were more sedentary.

There’s little reason to believe exercise has a different effect on the human penis. In fact, five studies over a 40-year period and involving 385 men showed aerobic exercise had a ‘significant effect’ on erectile function. The message is clear: if you want your erections to last longer as you age, get on a treadmill as soon as possible.

Eat Smarter
If you want to stay in shape after 40, you’ll have to do more than you did to lose weight in your 20s and 30s. As you age, your metabolism slows so shedding weight requires far more effort. Diet is important because eating fatty, processed food leads to blood flow problems (in a process known as atherosclerosis — the hardening of the arteries) which, apart from causing heart attacks, mean the penis won’t get unrestricted blood flow in order to keep your erections strong.

Vascular disease is also blamed for the fact that erections become less potent as men age. Between the ages of 30 and 50, many men will notice a slight decline in the angle of their erections (this decline usually accelerates after 50). Research shows that at 30, a man can expect his erection to be 20 degrees above horizontal; by the time he’s 40 that elevation is reduced to only one degree.

In order to stave off vascular disease, many experts recommend a Mediterranean diet incorporating fish, nuts, olive oil and an array of fruits and vegetables. This diet also includes red wine, although only in moderation. Also avoid excessive salt intake, keep an eye your blood pressure, and if you’re a smoker, give up the habit.

Several types of foods have been linked to improved desire. One is asparagus, packed with folate which helps increase the production of desire-boosting histamine in both men and women. Another sex-friendly food is the avocado which contains minerals, monounsaturated fats and Vitamin B6, a known libido-enhancer.

Then there’s the banana, high in the bromelain enzyme which plays a role in regulating sexual hormones. Finally there’s garlic; while this member of the onion family may not provide you with the sweetest breath, it nonetheless contains allicin, a compound that thins the blood and is therefore helpful for blood flow to the penis.?

Watch Your Testosterone Levels
After a man hits his sexual peak at 30, his testosterone levels start to fall by between 1 and 1.5% a year. This has an important effect on his desire because testosterone is the male sex hormone that controls the development of sexual traits. The results of this cumulative drop may become particularly noticeable after 40.

Falling testosterone takes libido down with it, although the effect varies from man to man. Fortunately, there are ways to counteract the fall in testosterone: get at least seven or eight hours’ sleep per night, maintain muscle mass by weightlifting and eat protein-rich foods such as fish and other white meat.

Love and Sex Toys

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Whether your relationship is starting to feel stagnant or you just want something to spice up an evening, sex toys can add a playful level of fun to your life. There are now many online stores as well as retail options available, so shopping for these romantic playthings can be done in person or from the comfort of your home. The popularity of these establishments indicates a growing demand for variety and quality in adult entertainment.

Here are a few tips to remember when delving into the world of sex toys.

1. They’re toys, have fun. Many vibrators and other implements come in an array of bright colors and shapes which might look strangely alien at first. The more you read and observe, the more you’ll start to understand the form and function. If you are fortunate enough to have an adult store near you that carries these items, stop in and touch. Don’t be shy. Pick them up and hold them to observe the weight and feel. If your establishment is really on the ball and has included batteries, turn on vibrators and check the sound. Take a friend or your lover with you and go ahead and laugh.

2.  Start out easy. If this is a new experience, don’t go online and order the Screaming Banshee Deep Penetrating Orgasm Inducer. There are plenty of modest sex toys that won’t leave you scratching your head trying to figure out how to use them or limping in pain the next day. Go with your comfort level and make sure your partner is on board with you.

3.  Don’t buy one that’s bigger than your man. After you start out easy, you might be ready to move to the next level. Sure, it’s nice to have that extra large dildo around for those times you want an all-the-way full experience, but keep this one hidden. Your man might like the thought of you pleasuring yourself, but chances are he wants to be the biggest gun in your cabinet. There are plenty of other toys you can share together.

4.  Keep your goodies safe, clean and hidden. Any item that penetrates a body orifice should be clean, so make sure to wash your toys thoroughly after use. Check them for cracks, rips or tears every time. Have a “toy box” just for these items, and make sure they are well hidden from any prying eyes in your household.

5. Read reviews, ask questions. Most online toy sites have a product review section. Wander through this and if you have a question send an email. Many of these toys are pricey, so make sure you get what you want.

Using sex toys can take a relationship to a more intimate, stimulating level. Couples of all ages are exploring this territory and finding a new way to relate to their partners.

Be bold, be innovative, have fun.

How to Build Up Your Sexual Self-Esteem

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Our various cultural media can fill our heads with exaggerated notions of what it means to be a good lover. The more we hear about the exploits of the young, the glamorous and the sexually-adept the more we may question our own skills and overall desirability. We may be pestered by dozens of internal questions. Am I too old? Am I overweight? Do I really satisfy my partner? Will s/he consider my fantasies a turnoff if I reveal them? How am I to know if I want sex too much – or too little?

Sexual self-esteem is really about being comfortable with ourselves and feeling at home in our own skins. Those concerns that we may have about our appearance and our performance only take us out of the moment when we’re actually making love. We can be distracted by doubts even when everything in the relationship is going perfectly well. To build up sexual self-esteem, we need to learn how to leave our judgments (regarding our histories and fantasies) behind and jump into the experience fully. We also need to be gentle with ourselves as we move through this process. Pressure and guilt will only make us more nervous – and less confident.

The most helpful thing you can do initially is allow yourself a learning curve. Don’t pressure yourself to be an intimacy expert. Every partnership is unique. People bring their own needs, desires and challenges into the picture. What has worked in the past may not work in the here-and-now. Allow yourself to be a beginner sometimes; give yourself permission to learn. This learning can be facilitated if you actually ask for feedback. Knowing what your partner likes and appreciates about your sexual expression will also deepen the rapport between you. Also keep in mind, however, that the response you receive from another will not always reflect upon you. Sometimes people simply value different things, even when they are deeply involved with each other.

This is what makes self-love a crucial component of your overall sexual self-esteem. If you feel comfortable about your body and your desires then you can hold to this even when your partner doesn’t seems to understand. Cultivating a positive body image in your mind’s eye will better your performance and satisfaction as well. Get grounded in your body. Exercising is the best way to achieve this. Changes in diet may also be called for. If you feel good about yourself on a physical level but are still pestered by mental doubts, a practice involving daily affirmations may help.

When you’re free of those detracting inner voices you can more easily focus on pleasure (yours as well as your partner’s). This doesn’t mean that the connection will always be harmonious, however. Sometimes sexual self-esteem requires us to ask for what we want and speak up when something feels off – even if, in doing so, we risk the other’s displeasure. Our sexuality is an expression of the way in which we carry ourselves in all other areas of life. If we compromise ourselves then we open the door to those voices of doubt again.

Sexting Tips for the Clueless

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You text your partner almost every day to announce what time you’ll be home from work or to ask for a milk run, but have you ever thought about sexting?

Sexting can give a boost to your intimate life and bring you closer to your partner, but getting started can be intimidating. That is especially true if you’re not a dirty talker by nature.

Don’t worry. These simple tips will have you sexting in no time. Start simple and eventually it’ll become a natural part of your intimate experience.

Show your desire
Just the fact that you’re thinking about your partner can be sexy. You don’t have to give a lot of intimate details. Simply state your thoughts.

  • I want you.
  • I’m thinking about being alone with you tonight.
  • I wish I were in bed with you right now.
  • Thinking of you is distracting me today.
  • I can’t wait to be with you.

Describe a specific action
Think of something you enjoy, and then merely suggest it.

  • I want to kiss your ___.
  • I want to feel you touching my ___.
  • I love it when you tickle my ___.

Share a fantasy
Sexting can be a fun way to share something you might be embarrassed to say in person. Give your partner a little thrill at work by texting about a sexual fantasy you have.

  • Will you buy some whipped cream? I want to lick it off of you.
  • Meet me on the sofa. Don’t wear clothes.
  • I’ve got some scarves. Will you tie me to the bed?
  • Let’s try ___.

Bring back a memory
Think of time with your partner that you particularly enjoyed and then reference that in a text message.

  • Remember when we were on vacation and we ___.
  • I would love to relive that time we ___.
  • That night in ___ was the best of my life.
  • I’ll never forget when you ___.

Respond appropriately
Maybe you enjoy getting suggestive texts from your partner but aren’t sure how to respond. Try something simple.

  • You are making me want you.
  • I love it when you send me messages like that.
  • What do you want me to do to you?

Keep talking
Sexting doesn’t have to be complicated or intimidating. It doesn’t even have to be dirty, although it can be as specific and sensual as you like. With some practice, you and your partner will figure out the right rhythm and phrases that will eventually be as good as foreplay. You’ll soon find that this fun distraction is a wonderful way to stay close.

Who Controls the “Golden Ticket”?

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Physical intimacy should never be a bargaining chip or leverage to get what you want in a relationship. There can be many reasons for a woman (or man, but women in most cases) to deny or withhold sex from their partner (medical or past trauma for a couple), the most common reason seems to be control. Passive aggressive behavior is all about that person’s belief that they are wielding power over the other person. Withholding sex to punish a partner is due to an inability to express healthy anger and passive aggressive behavior is a silent, “fuck you” to your partner. Because it’s silent, it tends to create anxiety and distance. But, like all passive aggressive behavior it’s bound to backfire.

In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply.

“Let’s get married so we can start planning for misery and divorce”, said Nobody! Withholding sexual intimacy for power and control causes huge trust issues in the relationship and, while there are many negative outcomes let me just list a few:

  1. It’s guaranteed to create more fights/arguments
  2. You’re punishing yourself, too – if you think he’s suffering, what about YOUR needs?
  3. It drives him away – he doesn’t have to put up with you telling him he’s not getting any until he does what you want
  4. It looks like you don’t care about him – sex is important to men. When you use sex for power, it shows that all you care about is getting your own way. Guys understand if you’re honestly not in the mood or need to talk things out from your last argument. Otherwise it seems that you don’t care about him. Result? See #3
  5. He stops caring about your needs and, for some guys this leads to #6
  6. It gives him a reason to cheat.

So, what’s the answer? Entire books have been written about passive aggressive anger and how to change that to a healthier style of anger expression. If you are using sex as a weapon, talk to someone. Also, consider the impact on your most important relationship; that with your partner. In many ways, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Shared intimate pleasure in a marriage helps couples bond more deeply. And it is this deep friendship that sustains happy marriages as we age, our bodies change and our need for sex lessens.

Developing and maintaining a healthy sexual bond is up to each partner. Using sex as a weapon is unfair at every level so learn to “fight fair”, improve your communication skills and get busy enjoying all the physical and emotional benefits of great sex.

Guest Blogger, Emma Johnson, EdD has been counseling couples (happy and not so happy) for 25+ years. She is a clinical member of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and is considered an expert in the area of domestic violence.